I take these long walks every morning, which gives me a chance to reflect on life's memories as well as ponder new beginnings. This morning I started to think about my favorite piano pieces of all time. Brahms' Rhapsody No. 2 in G Minor, Op. 79 is a piece with which I have a special relationship. It is powerful and passionate while also intimate and dreamy. It presents welcomed challenges such as hand crossovers and long passages with 3 against 2. It is the perfect piece for my liking, hence, why it holds a special place in my heart.
My piano teacher, Richard Gray, introduced the piece to me when I was preparing to compete in Division 1 State Competition. I was a sophomore in high school. To compete in Division 1, one had to choose from a pre-selected state list of songs to play for the competition. Mr. Gray chose this one for me.
I practiced, practiced, and practiced. The piece is a long one and finally got it memorized. For me to memorize, I need to put myself in the 'creative zone.' I absorbed the music into my muscle memory. The day of the competition, I went in, and the judge asked what it was that I would be playing. I responded that I would be playing Brahms No. 2 in G Minor, Op. 79. The judge said that I could begin whenever I was ready. I mentally segued into my creative zone and began to play. Everything was going well until about halfway through piece, I hit a mental brick wall. I couldn't remember what came next. My muscle memory failed me and now I could not picture the music on what to play next. To make matters worse, the horror and terror that immediately came over me was palpable. I then felt this arctic breeze envelope me. In a state of quiet anxiety, I turned to the judge and apologized. I asked if I could start over. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole, but that would have been too kind. I started over. Everything went smoothly until I started to approach that halfway mark. I panicked. My heart was beating faster and faster as I approached where I had just crashed and burned. Well, it happened again. I could not finish the song. To crash and burn twice was all too much for me to bear. I turned to the judge and apologized. I said, "I am sorry, but I cannot finish the song. Thank you for your time." I left in tears.
After I recovered from what seemed to be such painful experience, I felt that I should not give up. I did not want fear to be the essence of this piece or my mindset moving forward. I needed to overcome this mental roadblock on so many levels. So, I entered the same competition with the same piece the following year. This time when I practiced, I combined rote memorization with mental pictures of the music especially around the halfway point in the music where I had crashed and burned the last time. IT WORKED! I placed first the following year.
Lesson learned. Never give up. Learn from your failures and you will succeed.